Is This On?

I recently watched the 2003 documentary film When Standup Stood Out, about the Boston standup comedy scene from 1977-1985. I’ve always loved jokes, and can remember hundreds of them on demand, of all varieties. In my student days, to let off steam I would visit a pair of buddies in a neighbouring university, and we would share routines from Richard Pryor to Spike Jones all weekend, non-stop. We would re-create classic skits from Monty Python to Woody Allen to Groucho Marx, and I would return to my studies with sore ribs and shoulders from laughing. I once even considered standup as a career (this I never shared with my parents), but decided I didn’t want to have to be funny on cue, and didn’t want every moment of my life to be material for gags.

I never believed Freud when he reduced laughter to “social nervousness” – deep down I knew it was a good thing, a reaction to the intrinsic absurdity and surprise of life, but also something that unites people and makes them happy. But why do people go to comedy clubs, and what do they expect from comedians? Doubtless there are many reasons, but one of the chief ones in my estimation is that we go to hear the truth, as comedians are one of the few groups in today’s society that are allowed to tell the truth, a role that poets and musicians have bartered away. Certainly we don’t hear it from our parents and teachers, politicians, philosophers, scientists, and doctors, either because they don’t know or won’t tell.

I’m with Steve Smith of The Red Green Show fame, who expressed that making people laugh was a “special state of grace”, even more with the Prophet Muhammad when He says in the Qur’an, “The Gates of Heaven are open wide to him who can make his companions laugh,” and even with Bahá’u’lláh, who as a Manifestation of God, had a scathing wit. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá asserted that his home was a place of “mirth and laughter.” Many books have been written the last few decades on the therapeutic benefits of laughter. Therefore I submit to Bahá’ís that we need to laugh more, let out hair down and be irreverent – within limits, though comedians chafe at having limits – and to value humour as an aspect of the soul and culture as the Jews and the Irish, for instance, have done.

There are at present only a handful of bona fide Bahá’í jokes that make the rounds, and two or three well-known Bahá’í comedians. There are, of course, a multitude of anecdotes and amusing stories, but not many actual jokes. So here follows my own submission of jokes in the well-worn Jeff Foxworthy tradition of “Redneck” jokes:

If you've been divorced three times and still need your mommy and daddy's permission to get married, you might be a Bahá'í.

If a movie star offers you a night of passion and your response is "Um . . . can I investigate your character?" you might be a Bahá'í.

If you get more excited by LSA than LSD, you might be a Bahá'í.

If the only smoke you envision when you hear the phrase "joint feast" is from overdone tadiq, you might be a Bahá'í.

If you think March Madness is the result of extreme hunger, you might be a Bahá'í.

If you see "Some Assembly Required" written on a box and you think it came from a place that needs homefront pioneering, you might be a Bahá'í.

If you see a real estate billboard that says "Fully Detached Community" and you drive on saying "We're not needed here", you might be a Bahá'í.

If your stomach growls on the Ides of March and you answer the pager on your belt, you might be a Bahá'í.

If your idea of the perfect family vacation is to wait for ten years, climb a mountain on foot where there are no casinos, no golf or tennis, you have stay quiet, stand in line, cannot take pictures, you visit a lot of gravesites, and at the end of ten days they kick you out of the country, you might be a Bahá'í.

And you are definitely NOT a Bahá’í if

You think “Paris Talks” was first published in People Magazine.

You think the “Hidden Words” are the lyrics to “Louie, Louie.”

You think the Hands of the Cause aided and abetted a felony.

You think the Tablet of Carmel is chewy.

Magical Buffet

This interview of me appears in the July 20 issue of The Magical Buffet (http://www.magicalbuffet.com/)

Q: What is the Bahá’í Faith?

A: Thank you for this opportunity to respond. I’m tempted to give Louis Armstrong’s classic reply of “Man, if you don’t know, I can’t tell you,” but you might get some idea that it’s some kind of jazz heaven, which actually may not be too far off. Bahá’ís believe in Progressive Revelation, meaning that from time to time God raises up Messengers to educate humanity, such as Buddha, Abraham, Krishna, Moses, Zoroaster, Christ, Muhammad, etc., and that the latest one arrived in the 19th century under the title “The Glory of God”, who lived and taught mostly under exile and imprisonment in Middle Eastern lands from Iran Iraq to Turkey and what is now Israel. These Messengers reiterate the eternal spiritual truths that are the foundation of all religion, but also give social teachings for the age. This age particularly needs guidance for an emerging global consciousness, ethics and morality for international travel, finance, ecology, communication, science and technology, and the realization that the entire globe and its inhabitants are in the same boat traveling together. Humanity on its own has no hope of solving the colossal challenges besetting it today. One of the most remarkable elements of this Revelation is that it gives not only a vision of the new World Order, but actually gives a blueprint of how to achieve it. So Bahá’ís worldwide are endeavoring to establish this order right in the midst of the crumbling of one human institution after another. The “Glory of God” has given the believers this directive: “It is incumbent upon every man of insight and understanding to strive to translate that which hath been written into reality and action,” and emphasized that we all have a part to play: “All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization.”



Q: What are some the basic teachings of the faith?

A: Every faith teaches the same basic things, those being the nature of God and truth, morality and virtue, prayer and worship; the emphasis is different, according to the needs of the times; Judaism emphasized the Law, Christianity focused on love and good works, and Islam on submission to the Will of God, for instance. The Bahá’í Faith’s overriding value is unity: God is one, His Messengers are one, religion is one, humanity is one; therefore the thousand-year mission of the Bahá’ís is to effect the organic unity of the entire human race, for it is written “The well-being of mankind, its peace and security, are unattainable unless and until its unity is firmly established.” Principles that accompany this central mission are removal of prejudices of all kinds, gender equality, universal education, universal systems of governance/ justice,/currency, and a language by which the whole world can communicate. And one other very important one: mankind has progressed to the point where each individual’s spiritual progress is their own responsibility; therefore it behooves every person to independently investigate truth and reality for themselves – ergo, no clergy.
And here’s a good one: Science and religion must work together to root out superstition and provide a moral foundation for knowledge and its application.


Q: How does the Bahá’í community view and interact with other faiths?

A: Baha’is do not cling to each other, but regard all humanity as their brethren. The Founder proclaimed, “Consort ye, O people, with all religions with joy and fragrance!” They tend to spearhead and are often over-represented at Interfaith gatherings; all divinely-revealed faiths are honored, so there is no concept of “other”. Just once I would like see a Bahá’í jump up and yell, “All you heathens are going to Hell!” but (sigh) it just isn’t going to happen. (This is just kidding, of course.) Seriously, the last thing we need is yet another religion; what we need is to come together.


Q: For our readers who may have not have heard of the religion before now, is there a fictional character in television or film that embodies the ideals of the faith?

A: Ha ha. I consulted some of my Bahá’í friends on this one, and got suggestions such as McGyver, since he used non-violent technological ingenuity to solve problems, the humble Frodo Baggins on his glorious quest of faith, or Star Trek with its multiethnic co-operation boldly braving the final frontier.

Q: What holidays do Bahá’ís observe?

A: There is a calendar of 19 months of 19 days, with a few extra Mardi-Gras type celebratory days thrown in to round out the solar year. And the Faith has its own holy days celebrating the births and deaths of the Central Figures, as well as a few others, such as the Day of the Covenant, Nov. 26, celebrating the fact that God does not leave humanity adrift without guidance. Individually, believers tend to celebrate just about any festival of any religion or culture with other friends – we love a party!

Q: What is the biggest misconception, if any, about the religion?

A: The Bahá’í Faith is not, nor ever was, a sect of Islam. It grew out of an Islamic environment, as did Buddhism out of Hinduism or Christianity out of Judaism. Also, since it is so all-embracing, some get the idea that it is eclectic and syncretistic, drawing from the good points of bygone traditions and philosophies, or that is accepts all faiths as being equally true and valid. It regards itself as the latest stage in the unfolding Faith of the one God that has been called by many names, and that its principles and beliefs have been divinely revealed just as the Ten Commandments or the Vedas, the Dhammapada or the Qur’an.

Q: According to http://www.religionfacts.com/ Dizzy Gillespie, Carole Lombard, and Rainn Wilson were/are all Bahá’í. Would you be offended if I said that was really cool?

A: Many distinguished people are Bahá’ís, but they don’t get obnoxious, obsequious, or obstreperous about it. They found universities, establish socio-economic projects, and are inventors and innovators. The head of state of Samoa is Bahá’í [note: died May 11, 2007], as have been Queen Marie of Roumania and other royalty, and it has attracted great minds from Tolstoy to Tagore to Khalil Gibran – would you believe President Woodrow Wilson got the idea for the League of Nations from his Baha’i daughter? Another Khalill, Khalil Green, shortstop of the San Diego Padres, is perhaps the most well-known Bahá’í presently in popular culture. In America, the duo of Seals and Crofts (“Summer breeze, make me feel fine . . . . “ c’mon sing it with me now) spread the Faith by giving talks after their concerts on tour in the 1970s. Others include K. C. Porter (producer to Santana and Ricky Martin), and British funnyman Omid Djalili (remember him from Whoopi’s sit-com?) Cool! Hot!

Q: Do you care to comment on the plight of the Baha’is in Egypt?

A: The Bahá’ís in Egypt are a fairly small community, but have been placed in a quandary; they are required to carry ID cards, on which they have to identify their religion. They have no problem with this, as all Bahá’ís in every country are obedient and loyal to their governments. But they have only three choices: Christianity, Judaism, or Islam -- it’s like those dating sites or online questionnaires where you only have a limited choice of responses, none of which apply, but there is no “other” option, and it will not let you skip the question or continue without answering. Baha’is cannot lie about their religion or anything else, and without these ID cards they have no access to education, medical services, employment, or many other basic services. So they are continuing to work to get the Bahá’í Faith official recognition so they can have legal status just like other Egyptian citizens.


Q: Where can I go to learn more about the religion?

A: Even though there are only about 6 million Bahá’ís worldwide, we are spread like a thin film over the entire planet, including in such unlikely places as Greenland, North Korea, the Faroe Islands, Tasmania, Alaska, Mongolia, Madacasgar, Botswana, and virtually every island in the Pacific, so with a little checking in phone books or word of mouth, a human representative of probably the most hospitable community in the world can be found, but beware, you will be plied with tea and sweets and all the literature on the Faith you’d ever want. Baha’is, however, do not proselytize. Since it purports to be the most truly international and universal expression of spirituality, it is not surprising that it should be the first Faith on the Internet; sites abound, a couple of the main ones being: http://www.bahai.org/ and http://www.bahai.us/. You are most welcome to contact this author at gezabahai@yahoo.ca.

Q: Parting shot! Ask us here at The Magical Buffet any one question? (this question cannot be changed. We ask everyone this one question. You can ask anything, even silly stuff like who is your favorite boy band or boxers or briefs!)

A: This is confusing, but if I read it correctly, you want me to ask you a question. Okay, I’ll be brief, I mean boxer. I see that you love feasting at the salad bar of heavenly delights, but do you ever get spiritual indigestion?

MB: Yes.

Bio of Geza Farkas:Geza (rhymes with amaze-a) Farkas, the Funky Flutist of Faith, became a Baha'i in 1997 after a lifetime of study of the works of the world's great mystics, saints, and seers, since he sensed that in it appeared that which has never appeared before, namely a blueprint by which all of human civilization can be spiritualized, and not just a few special individuals. Hungarian by birth, Canadian by nationality, and Indian in spirit, he has recently emigrated to Chicago and lives near the Baha'i House of Worship for the North American Continent in Wilmette, known as the "Mother Temple of the West."

Let Your Vision Be World-Embracing

“Let your vision be world-embracing, and not confined to your own self,” Bahá’u’lláh told humanity over a century ago. He also asserted, “The earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens.” Not content to leave this at the level of principle, He exhorted his followers: “It is incumbent upon every man of insight and understanding to strive to translate that which hath been written into reality and action.”

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley‘s avowed goal is to have the greenest city in the United States, and as such is the honorary co-chairman of “Cool Globes,” an art installation this summer along the shore of Lake Michigan, featuring 124 5’ diameter sculpted globes created by artists from around the world, as well as 200 mini-globes around the city made by art students and celebrities such as Barack Obama and filmmaker Ken Burns, to raise awareness, create dialogue, and find solutions to global warming.

Throughout the summer, exhibit visitors will be challenged to implement five changes in their daily lives or business operations to combat global warming. Pledges can be made at the CoolGlobes and Chicago Sun-Times Web sites. At the end of the summer, a raffle will be held to award a Toyota Prius to one of the pledge participants.

On July 11 CEOs and other senior-level leaders from Cool Globes’ corporate sponsors will hold a roundtable discussion to share ideas for environmentally sensitive business practices, as well as strategies for developing and marketing green products.
On October 5 the globes will be auctioned off to benefit environmental education programs. More information can be had at http://www.coolglobes.com/.

The globes depict, whether clumsily or cleverly, global environmental conditions, and their possible solutions, none of which we haven’t heard before, and one even reminds us of the Kyoto Protocol, which governments have had so far a poor record implementing. #74 was done by Bahá’í artist Michelle Maynerick, and includes a quotation from Baha'u'llah: “The well-being of mankind, its peace and security, are unattainable unless and until its unity is firmly established.” This may seem an innocuous statement, but is at the very heart of Bahá’í teaching. The problems of the world are such that if we attacked them one at a time, even without new ones arising, it would take us until eternity and beyond to fix them.

So are these laudable efforts useless, candles in the wind? Bahá’u’lláh paints the picture: “The winds of despair are, alas, blowing from every direction, and the strife that divideth and afflicteth the human race is daily increasing. The signs of impending convulsions and chaos can now be discerned, inasmuch as the prevailing order appeareth to be lamentably defective.”
“The All-Knowing Physician hath His finger on the pulse of mankind. He perceiveth the disease, and prescribeth, in His unerring wisdom, the remedy. Every age hath its own problem, and every soul its particular aspiration. The remedy the world needeth in its present-day afflictions can never be the same as that which a subsequent age may require. Be anxiously concerned with the needs of the age ye live in, and center your deliberations on its exigencies and requirements.”

“We can well perceive how the whole human race is encompassed with great, with incalculable afflictions. We see it languishing on its bed of sickness, sore-tried and disillusioned. They that are intoxicated by self-conceit have interposed themselves between it and the Divine and infallible Physician. Witness how they have entangled all men, themselves included, in the mesh of their devices. They can neither discover the cause of the disease, nor have they any knowledge of the remedy.”

And what is the remedy for this age? “He Who is your Lord, the All-Merciful, cherisheth in His heart the desire of beholding the entire human race as one soul and one body.”

The present situation may be likened to a couple experiencing marital problems. They may think, “When our financial situation improves, when our children’s school grades rise, when our in-laws will stop pestering us, when we both work our psychological baggage, when the other one will change, when we get relief from stress, then we’ll be happy.” Happiness and unity are not the end result, but the foundation without which the problems will never end. And thus Michelle Maynerick has inscribed upon her earth, “The well-being of mankind, its peace and security, are unattainable unless and until its unity is firmly established.”