Confession #4: Flirting
I
cringe whenever I hear someone say that they joined the Bahá’í
Faith because they found that it aligned with what they already believed. For
the most part, the teachings of the Faith are not only socially progressive but
have spearheaded enlightened thought in major ways that it doesn’t get credit
for. When Bahá’u’lláh enunciated that everyone should be educated, there
should be an international language by which the whole world can communicate,
that men and women are equal in the sight of God, that the extremes of wealth
and poverty must be eliminated, among others, these ideas were revolutionary
and scandalous, but within a century most thinking people regarded them as
obvious to the dignity of the human race. But there are some other areas in
which the Faith seems conservative and at odds with current thought, and those
who feel heady at its forward-looking views almost inevitably run into some
fine print they hadn’t noticed before that challenge them, and something inside
them rebels, that something being that they hold up their own thoughts as the
highest standard, not the revealed Word of God. And it doesn’t even have to be
something major. It could be over the rejection of the doctrine of reincarnation,
the prohibition against alcohol and drugs, the struggle against homosexuality, the
requirement of parental consent for marriage, or the refusal of the Faith to
outlaw smoking or eating meat. Once we have scratched the surface, we find that
people, especially Westerners, who have been throwing off the shackles of
religion since the Renaissance, don’t want to be told what to do, and we find
that the laws of the Faith can be vewy vewy stern indeed.
I’ve
run into a few obstacles myself, and they are as unexpectedly violent as
walking into a glass door. None of the above have given me any grief, but when
Shoghi Effendi told us not to flirt, I wailed like a child who had his
favourite toy taken away. The Faith continues to transform the way the genders
relate to each other in a healthy and positive way, but a little voice inside
me doesn’t want to let go of what I protest is cheerful and harmless banter. I’m
not arguing against the teachings, it’s just that I learned from my father that
women like good-natured teasing and like men in return for doing it. Like many
poisons, is there an acceptable limit? I can certainly tell when the line has
been blatantly crossed, as when in offices nobody can say anything without
including sexual innuendo and everyone accepts this status quo, whether they
like it or not, as they are considered poor sports if they do not, even if the
company sets out rules against harassment and trains employees against it. Just
like the policy of “no means no”, most people don’t believe it.
I remember
watching a movie many years ago in which a crusty old man said he didn’t care
for religion because it was “agin everythin’ I’m fer”, meaning partying in its
many forms. People are often amazed at what a good time Bahá’ís
can have without alcohol, throwing punches, or grabbing body parts, but can I
have just one day a year when I can say “I have fond memories of girls named
Sharon” or “Don’t those shoes make you want to dance?”?
